Peek a boo – Sabatiers 001

I usually edit some of my images, I do love digital sabatiers and some call backs to traditional processes from my beloved darkroom.

Digital sabatiers of some of the captures of this journey going back to take photographs.

It’s hard to expose yourself in front of the camera. To open yourself and your wounds to everyone, no idea if it is therapeutic, but I feel I need to take the risk again.

Trying to get back, after a long time this is my first attempt to create a photographic project again. Yes, it is about loneliness, sadness, and the everlasting depression that someday will win the battle; but for now, it is my way to try to deal with the darkness inside.

Half brother/sister sibling of my “Fragility” project. https://www.behance.net/gallery/3307002/Fragility To be honest in front of the camera is really hard.

And from a technical perspective is really hard to be model and photographer but also is a chance to use imagination to achieve goals.

Quarantine at the Reservation – Chronicles of COVID19

#covid19

#quarantine

#PeekABo

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Long nights

In Spanish we say: “De noche todos los gatos son pardos”, and sometimes it is true.

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Peek a boo continuation

I’m a middle age man, a bit fat, with white hairs and small wrinkles. I’m part of the autistic spectrum and bipolar.

All of those are some of the characteristics of me as a human being but in any way they define me, are simple labels. Small parts of a far more complex whole.

A whole that sometimes feels is fading or longing for fade into oblivion.

Continuing with some captures trying to make sense of the overwhelming sadness and loneliness.

Some images are more raw than others, some are good images other may count as sketches.

Peek a boo – sequel

Finally I’ve finished writing (a very short version) of the continuation of this project. It is called: Memento Mori and is my personal project, the one in which I would feel more vulnerable (after Fragility https://www.behance.net/gallery/3307002/Fragility )

In the meanwhile I continue making sketches and testing concepts at the same time, I’m continuing with this project. Memento Mori doesn’t diminishes Peek a boo, I hope it would expand it.

Peek a boo - Self portraits, exploration of inner darkness through a lens.

Peek a boo

After years, holy cow, years without a photographic project I think I’ve finally comeback to develop a new one.

Peek a boo is my last attempt to deal with emotional distress, loss, depression, loneliness, and inner darkness.

I really don’t know how or why I stopped creating photographs instead of only capturing images, after the events (what a cold word for the loss of half of your soul) of the last year I’ve been feeling so damn empty that I I’m not sure if there’s something inside me to share.

I’m in the Ambaló Reservation, at the house of a friend and his family. We are as most of the world under quarantine. The frustration of don’t have somebody who can relate with my feelings is common place, but the distance from home makes it a bit harder.

Also I don’t have anyone with a strong or weak relationship of trust who would help me being a model. That is another frustration but also a reminder. As in many facets of life: I’m alone, at least for the most of time. And being alone is a challenge but also is full of opportunities. So, after a couple of weeks thinking about it I decided to answer the call of a window.

It is interesting how light and darkness nurture photographers, off course there are a lot of adjacent and underlying factors. But from a material point of view light and darkness are the substrate that feed us. So, I’ve been looking all the nights this window in my room and being called to it as the song of a siren.

A couple of nights ago I started taking some photographs, continuing something I started in Bogotá.

Peek a boo is a metaphor about what happens inside, but through the filter of an outside agent: The camera. Is personal, is raw (well someone was playing with my camera and the images are in JPG, since now they would be in RAW). The only edition of the images is done in Lightroom.