So freaking tired and feeling empty.
I usually edit some of my images, I do love digital sabatiers and some call backs to traditional processes from my beloved darkroom.
Digital sabatiers of some of the captures of this journey going back to take photographs.
It’s hard to expose yourself in front of the camera. To open yourself and your wounds to everyone, no idea if it is therapeutic, but I feel I need to take the risk again.
Trying to get back, after a long time this is my first attempt to create a photographic project again. Yes, it is about loneliness, sadness, and the everlasting depression that someday will win the battle; but for now, it is my way to try to deal with the darkness inside.
Half brother/sister sibling of my “Fragility” project. https://www.behance.net/gallery/3307002/Fragility To be honest in front of the camera is really hard.
And from a technical perspective is really hard to be model and photographer but also is a chance to use imagination to achieve goals.
Quarantine at the Reservation – Chronicles of COVID19
High quality prints:
I’m posting images in chronological order, most of the time, I’m feeling a bit more at ease in front of the camera. But it is still a hard endeavor.
I’m a middle age man, a bit fat, with white hairs and small wrinkles. I’m part of the autistic spectrum and bipolar.
All of those are some of the characteristics of me as a human being but in any way they define me, are simple labels. Small parts of a far more complex whole.
A whole that sometimes feels is fading or longing for fade into oblivion.
Continuing with some captures trying to make sense of the overwhelming sadness and loneliness.
Some images are more raw than others, some are good images other may count as sketches.
‘PUT off that mask of burning gold
With emerald eyes.’
‘O no, my dear, you make so bold
To find if hearts be wild and wise, And yet not cold.’
‘I would but find what’s there to find,
Love or deceit.’
‘It was the mask engaged your mind,
And after set your heart to beat,
Not what’s behind.’
‘But lest you are my enemy,
I must enquire.’
‘O no, my dear, let all that be;
What matter, so there is but fire
In you, in me?’
I’m still in my surreal mood and mode. What I love about this image is the duality it have in many levels.
It is a digital capture edited minimally in a computer, and the same transformed to a digital sabatier.
Both were printed using a laser print over acetate. The it was burned using the sun over a galgo’s paper prepared for a salt print. Modern and old times’ worlds melted, digital and analogical photography joined.
The image itself is dual too, is my face covered by a mask which is made using my face as the model. Positive and negative of myself. The mask which covers the face with an inverted copy of itself.
The reality turned to a virtual of itself. Which one is the “real”: the original?, the copy? the capture, the reproduction, the set of numbers in a hard drive, the paper printed copy in my hands?
If all are real or maybe none of it, it’s a dream? a nightmare? if I took away the mask I’m still wearing another mask? one made of flesh and skin?
And off course, double exposures.
That’s some clues about what I’ve been thinking about this photograph.